A hail of arrows flew up and blotted out the sun for a second. Sudarshan Chakra, the divine discus, flew into the arrows and swept them away like a broom would some stray twigs. The Chakra flew back to the forefinger of Lord Krishna, cunning statesman and flirt extraordinaire, and kept spinning there like a DVD in a disc player. “ We could do this all day, Partha, and we would get nowhere with it…” Krishna gave a nod and the peacock feather in his crown nodded emphatically, “ You of all people know this. I am your elder and I have laid a claim to this. For your own good, let it go.”
On another chariot halfway across the battlefield, Arjuna, handsome prince and master marksman, lowered his divine bow the Gandiva and scoffed, “ If just being elder was enough to lay claim to anything, then the war of Mahabharata would never have taken place, Madhava. You of all people should know this…” Arjuna raised Gandiva and in a blink cocked an arrow and released it. It flew in a wide arc towards Krishna’s and halfway through its path it split into a hundred arrows that burst into flames. The flaming arrows plunged towards Krishna who yawned at their descent. As the arrows got closer Krishna twirled his flute and waved it at the arrows, the arrows popped like popcorn and transformed into large marigold flowers that rained over the chariot and Krishna.
“The same old tricks Phalguna? Your arsenal is growing rusty…It’s long overdue for a hardware update…” Krishna smirked.
“And you are still using the same old parlour tricks, Keshava, your magic could do with a software update…” Arjuna grinned back.
“ It was those same parlor tricks that helped you win your war. One would assume you would have had more gratitude than this Arjuna…Come now…I think I deserve this…”“ Your parlour tricks helped us win the war…That is rich even for you. If anything, you should be grateful to us…You think we aren’t aware of your double crosses and dubious diplomacy…However the war would have gone you would definitely have stood to profit from it
“ Your parlor tricks helped us win the war…That is rich even for you. If anything, you should be grateful to us…You think we aren’t aware of your double crosses and dubious diplomacy…However, the war would have gone you would definitely have stood to profit from it…Dwarakadish.”
“ Well, it most certainly wasn’t your dancing skills that won us the war, Bruhennala! But maybe they can help you dance your way out of here…” Krishna said twirling his flute. An illusion began to settle on Arjuna…Arjuna blinked, stopped his breath and shot an arrow straight up…The arrow dropped down at him and seemed to pop the bubble of the illusion. Arjuna breathed in relief.
“ Surely you can hear the irony in you teasing me about dressing up as a woman,….I was simply taking a leaf from my mentor, you seem to have a penchant for it…Mohini!”
Arjuna drew and fired an arrow in a blink. it flew straight at it Krishna’s head, who didn’t even move as the Chakra deftly deflected it.
“ Also the irony of you asking me to run away from a battlefield…You are a veteran at that too…Why don’t you go ahead and run away again Runchod!”
Something hardened in Krishna’ s face,”Enough of these games, Partha.! This is your last chance. I move onto the big guns next…” Krishna’s face darkened like a rain cloud.
“Finally we are getting somewhere…I make you the same limited time offer Krishna…”
They glared at each other across the empty expanse of the battlefield. They both scoffed at each other.
Krishna closed his eyes and placed a hand on his chest. The sky darkened and storm clouds appeared and covered the whole horizon. A storm brewed in the clouds and lighting flowed through them. The lighting gathered in the form of a large celestial arrow. “ Behold the Brahmastra…” Krishna said.
Arjun held Gandiva and said a prayer over it. The ground trembled and began to crack. The cracks traveled through the battlefield and angry lava began to bubble out if it. The cracks formed a large arrow on the ground. “Behold the Pashupatastra!” Arjuna said.As both of them gathered their powers into their ultimate weapons…The storm clouds parted and a ray of clear crystalline sunlight fought it’s way through. A resplendent figure descended through the ray, “ Shanti, Shanti! Krishna, Arjuna…Shanti…” Shiva said in his most diplomatic voice as he touched the battlefield.
As both of them gathered their powers into their ultimate weapons…The storm clouds parted and a ray of clear crystalline sunlight fought its way through. A resplendent figure descended through the ray, “ Shanti, Shanti! Krishna, Arjuna…Shanti…” Shiva said in his most diplomatic voice as he touched the battlefield.
Krishna and Arjun both made momentary bows to Shiva and went back to glaring at each other.
“ Krishna, a battle between the two of you will smite the very earth. What is this about?”
“This is the end of Reason, Bholenath…Best you don’t interfere…” Krishna said.
Shiva looked at Arjun with a blank look…
“ It is the end of Reason sale, Pashupathi…And we have both booked the same smartphone…There is only one piece left…” Arjuna said.
“I booked it first and you know it, we can check our browser histories to see who booked it first…” Krishna said.
“ That would prove nothing and I booked it first…And dude..Stop trying to look at my browser history, it’s just creepy…” Arjuna said.
“Hold on a minute…You were about to destroy the world for a smartphone…” Shiva looked genuinely perplexed.
“ But it has the new snapdragon 999 processor..” Krishna said
“ And 10 GB of ram…” Arjuna said
“ And 24 MP selfie camera with dual flash…”
“And a large 6 inch OLED ultra HD screen…”
“ All of this for just 5 thousand rupees…”
“ And besides Satyabhama said she would not let me into the house if i don’t get her one…” Krishna said.
“ Yeah, Urumi has given me the same ultimatum…” Arjuna said and they stared at each other a flash of empathy in the stare.
“ Ah, of course! This is the same smartphone!” Shiva said, “ Parvati has been talking about it for months…She says the selfie camera on it will help her nail her selfie game on Instagram. She is really jealous of Rati’s followers, you know. This would really make her happy. It could even get me out of the dog house.” Shiva scratched his hair where the moon was attached in it.
Krishna and Arjuna looked at each other worried.
“And seeing as it is leading to a conflict that may destroy the world…” Shiva grinned madly…” I think i should confiscate it …You know for safe keeping…”
A smartphone appeared in the thin air and Shiva grabbed it and put it in his tiger skin. “ Well that’s that, I guess. The world is safe again. Might as well get going.” Shiva clicked his fingers and hummed as he waited for his ray of sunlight. It descended slowly and the three of them smiled at each other awkwardly waiting for beam. “ Do you guys face the same problem? When I book a beam it takes a long time to load…” Shiva said.
“ You just need to update your app…It should be fine…” Krishna said.
“ Ah, will do that” Shiva said as the beam finally arrived. “ He stepped into it. He could be heard saying “ O Parvati, guess what I have for you…” as he ascended his beam.
The sky cleared and the cracks in the ground subsided as the two warriors withdrew their weapons.
“ We are screwed, aren’t we…” Krishna said.
“ Oh, you have no idea. Urumi has a temper…” Arjuna shook his head.
“ I have heard. Not that Satyabhama is easier. She is a handful, that one..” Krishna smiled at his old friend, “ Well if we are doomed we might as well be drunk for it. How about a visit to the Madhushala?”
“ Drinks are on me…” Arjuna smiled as they rode their chariots into the sunset.
[Image credit: https://krishashok.me/2009/04/20/meme-uvaacha/]