Assad sprawled upon his large four poster bed covered in red satin bedsheets. He drew his silk bathrobe closer to cover his bare shoulders as he blushed a little. When the phone on the other end of the line began to ring he blushed harder and crossed his legs in their white polka-dotted briefs. He twirled the silk string of his bathrobe in nervous anticipation. After a long time, the operator told him that his call will not be received at the moment and they would get back to him at the earliest. Assad sighed and hung up the phone. Then threw it at the bomb proof window of his palace. It thudded dully against the window and plopped down to the thick carpet.
Assad flopped into a nest of his goose feather pillows and switched on Skype in his ultra large smart TV. He dialed Kim’s number. He knew not to disturb Kim at this time…But he was feeling too dejected and Kim always knew how to cheer him up. Kim answered the call and the camera took moment to focus on his large round face. Kim’s face was covered in a thick green paste and he had cucumber slices on his eyes. He seemed to be soaking in a large tub of bubbly water. He pulled a cucumber slice off of one eye and chomped on it.
“Ah, my friend, the butcher of the east, come to give me my weekly dose of venison…” he laughed until his jowls quivered like those of an obese pig.
“ Kim, my buddy, I was just feeling a little IL! Thought I would check in with the sickest man I know!” Assad laughed until his bony shoulders flapped like those of a freshly skinned chicken.
“ I was expecting the call…Called to gloat have we…” Kim made an angry pout, “ it looks like you have finally caught Trump San’s attention.”
“Oh, he still won’t talk to me…But…”Assad grinned and began to giggle like a girl while hiding his face in a pillow. He looked up at Kim, “ He finally attacked last night…” he said sheepishly.
They both looked at each other and began to scream like college girls. Kim splashed in his tub and Assad flopped on his bed.
“ Wait…How many missiles…?” Kim said.
“Oh, you know, around sixty…” Assad blushed.
“ Get out! Kim screamed splashing water at the screen, “ what kind of missiles?”
Assad bit his lower lip, “ Tomahawk…” he whispered.
“Umm… Tomahawk…Wow…” Kim had an ecstatic look on his face. “ What I wouldn’t give to be hit with a few Tomahawk missiles…” he said dreamily twisting his body in the tub.
“ We might even go to war…” Assad said, “ Full-blown conflict…Thousands upon thousands dead…”
“ Why, Assad, you are such a naughty little slut…” Kim laughed.
“ I heard Putin might get involved too…You know… Trying to protect me…” Assad gave a naughty smile.
“Oh you are so bad, making lover fight in public….oh, I am so J of you right now…” Kim widened his eyes and gave a dramatic pout.
“ Looks like I have set the stage for a third world war…Oops…” Assad shrugged as if he had made a silly mistake.
“ Oops,!” Kim too shrugged and they giggled again.
“ I will let you know…If it does come to that…Then I am with Putin San. Don’t get me wrong, I have a huge thing for Trump San. I mean just the sight of his glorious orange hair blowing in the wind…” Kim had a dreamy expression on his face, “ But Putin San…Umm…Did you see the photos of him riding a horse shirtless…uff…” Kim fanned himself.
“ Everyone had seen those photos, Kim…They are years old …You need faster internet in your country…” Assad sniggered, “ And like we all don’t know who gets you wet down there…Ooh…If the war starts we might be on opposite sides…What fun!”
“ Yes…What fun!” Kim splashed half the water out of his tub, “ But don’t expect me to go easy on you just because we are friends ok…” Kim gave Assad a mock serious look, “ I will nuke your bony ass…”
“As if your puny little nukes could reach me all the way here…” Assad laughed, “ And if it did come to that I would hit your large soft ass with the largest chemical weapon I had..”
“Ooh… Throwing attitude already…Kim said, “Hmm…But it’s all in the chemical weapons, is it…How many did you latest toy kill?”
“Oh, I dunno exactly…” Assad looked at his nails, “ By the last count it was just-just twenty people…But chemical attack victims take some time to die…All the coughing and spasming…The number will go up…”
“Oh awesome! I love coughing and spasming…Assad San you really have outdone yourself this time…” Kim said. “ You have to give me the recipe for your chemical weapons one of these days…” Kim blinked his eyes slowly at Assad.
“Oh, I definitely will share the recipe Kim San…As soon as you share the recipe of your nuclear weapons…” Assad winked at Kim.
“Oh, you are just too much…” Kim giggled… “ But you have raised the stakes for all of us…We will have to try harder to get the attention of Trump Senpai now…”
Assad shrugged, “That’s how you play the game…You know that Kim San…I am sure you have something huge planned…Care to give me a hint..?”
“Oh, you know…I do have something planned, something huge in the South China Sea that will just scream ‘Notice me Trump Senpai!’” Kim gave a shy smile.
[Image credit: https://www.google.co.in/url?sa=i&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=imgres&cd=&ved=0ahUKEwjMiJGKq5rTAhWML48KHdW6AfsQjxwIAw&url=https%3A%2F%2Fonsizzle.com%2Fi%2Fmike-dive-i-surely-hope-that-trump-senpai-will-notice-me-3542089&psig=AFQjCNEaVT_hZ02V5XrG8jXwqtH0HUmPHA&ust=1491928761306634]